


Fell On Black Days

by holychrist



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Bottom Rick, Choking, Consensual Non-Consent, Frottage, Gentle Negan (Walking Dead), Light Bondage, M/M, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Rick is a mess, Sexual Roleplay, Top Negan (Walking Dead), Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:13:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holychrist/pseuds/holychrist
Summary: Rick, in his daily woes, realized he needed someone to push him down, control him, and wash away the suffocating realities of his world.Negan felt like the answer. He seemed to be the antidote to Rick's enclosing madness.
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	1. Shock The Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fic so any constructive criticism is appreciated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Veda by The Acid. 
> 
> Any errors are my own. I apologize in advance. Enjoy :)

\----

_The first time Negan uttered those words, Rick was desperately alone._

\----

Rick's walking isolation started right after Abraham and Glenn. 

Each early morning, before the sun decided to show itself, Rick spent time in his room, staring at the yellowing walls. No would be in the house, as he would send them off. 

Sometimes he would find himself on the floor, near the window, or in the dark corner of the room. 

That morning, he was placed in the middle of his bed, against the soft pillows, legs stretched in front of him. He rested against his headboard. 

Like clockwork, the thoughts washed in. The anger and hatred, the sadness too, but most of all the regret. 

Yearning for someone to understand. 

He never could stop thinking about all of his failures. His friends. His people. They'd slipped under the boot of Negan, and Rick couldn't shake blame from himself. Shouldn't.

Negan took everything in his path, devouring. Insatiable. 

Every morning seemed to end up in this shame.

He could never let anyone know of his weariness, of his doubts. They needed him to be resilient, clear headed and unbreakable. Or else he was the aimless leader that fucked them over.

The only thing he felt he could express to anyone was his anger, and he was tired of it. 

He wanted, no, needed, someone to make him feel grounded, sane. A person who would touch him and Rick would feel himself washing away into the abyss. 

He'd had that person in the past. She was gone, and Rick knew his loneliness was in big part because of her absence. 

Would she want him to be this alone? He didn't want to think about it. 

In that moment, with Rick looking at his ceiling, his mind flashed to the dead look in everyone's eyes the day before. It was like dwelling with a den of ghosts, their spirits wisping by him, silent and grey. 

Rick didn't feel too different. 

He stayed on his bed for a while, unmoving. 

The sunlight moved throughout the room, and landed over his face. He felt the warmth and indulged in it.

After what both felt like hours and minutes, the time had come. 

It was pick up day. 

~~~

He'd routinely asked everyone to be wary for the Savior's visit. 

They all gave him sad, dry smiles, and Rick gave them back. 

Like most days, he found himself sinking. So he got to work. 

In their storage pantry, he focused on the piles of canned beans and corn in front of him, making sure the count was accurate.

Every now and then, he would think, "This shouldn't be for them."

He was tired of giving what they had to the Saviors. 

Every day he was determined to remove them from their silent hell. They had to get out of the mess that Rick had put them into. 

Just for now.

While carefully counting the stocks of other goods, he heard footsteps nearing him. 

He expected it to be Rosita or Carl, doing their rounds, so he paid no mind. When the footsteps stopped, he only heard the slow movement of leather. 

He froze. His breathing hitched, and dread seeped in. He quickly turned to face the figure behind him. 

Revealed to Rick was the man whom he'd learned to hate. 

"Negan," Rick breathed. 

"Hey, Rick. " the man said languidly. He smirked and leaned on the back wall with that bat, legs crossed. 

Rick clenched his jaw as he stared at the man. 

"Why are you here?" Rick spat out. 

He felt a throbbing headache coming on, and instantly regretted his hostile reaction when he saw Negan's smile fade. 

He winced at himself. 

"Well Rick," Negan said, slowly stepping towards Rick, twirling that horrendous bat at the palm of his hand, "...in case you forgot, I own your little circus here. So I don't appreciate your fuckin’, tone." 

At the last word, he was in front of Rick, eyes boring into his skull. He was putting his weight on Lucille again, elbow propped on the bat in front of him, too close for Rick's comfort. 

Negan was unreadable, and Rick felt himself break a sweat. 

He was invading his personal space. Rick could not help feel at the mercy of Negan's eyes. He looked at the floor, despite wanting to fight the urge to.  
He could feel himself heat up in anger. 

Motherfucker. 

He wanted Negan away, far from him and his people. 

But of course he couldn't get that with the man one step away. 

"Got anything to say Rick? You wouldn't want to piss me off today." he said in a low murmur. 

Rick bit his tongue this time and clenched his fists. He knew Negan would not leave him alone, and he didn't want the man to lash out at others. 

He looked up at Negan's eyes and swallowed all his pride. Bile rose in his throat. 

Keep it together.

"I'm sorry."

Negan looked down on him, eyes narrowing and clicking his tongue. A small smile formed on his lips. 

"Thank you." Then a pause of something that looked of consideration.

Rick tried not to jitter as he stared.

"You sure do have pretty eyes, Rick." Negan mumbled. 

Rick jumped at the comment and stepped back instantly. 

Negan laughed. He straightened out, threw Lucille in the air and caught it, slinging the bat over his shoulder.

"Sorry, Ricky boy, couldn't help pointing it out. I always had a thing for blue eyes." 

Rick scoffed.

"Look, Negan, if there's anything you need-" 

Negan put his hand up to silence Rick. 

"Y'know what? I just came here to fuck with you, but…" he stopped, licking his lips, "something just came to mind." 

Rick's mind swirled at Negan's words. 

He tried to keep a steady gaze with the man, but something dark and suggestive in his eyes pricked at Rick's brain. 

Negan confidently strolled in front of Rick, keeping a small distance while he walked and talked.

"Now Rick, we've had our differences," Negan sighed, "but I truly believe that makes what we have great. But I think we can make this...a little more personable, don't you?" 

Rick frowned, searching Negan's eyes for something.

At Rick's silence, Negan continued, "Well...I honestly think I can give you something that may be worth your while." 

"What is this?" Rick sputtered out. 

"This is a proposition. An offer, just for you." Negan smiled. 

Rick clenched his jaw, asking again, "An offer?" 

"Yep. Now think about it real hard Rick. It just might benefit both of us." 

Rick's chest constricted as he prepared for Negan's next words. 

"It's this," Negan said, now slowly circling Rick as he continued, "I see how you look at us, taking your resources. In no way am I sorry for providing for my people, but damn you look so good mad dogging me." Negan stopped behind Rick after the last word. 

Rick could feel the heat of the man behind him. He could not fathom what Rick could want from him that he already has. 

"I am willing to give you the good ole Negan treatment. Paradise, as I call it. Because you are fucking hot, cowboy. You make me want to drown myself in ice cold water on a harsh winter day. I just really wanna see what magic we can make together." 

Rick froze. 

"What the hell are you asking?" Rick knew already, but he needed to hear it. 

Negan chuckled. 

"To fuck you of course." 

Rick felt an unshakable, indescribable emotion. 

Shit.

He wanted to laugh. To holler at the utter ridiculousness of the offer. But all he could really do was stare, gawking at the reality of the situation. 

Negan was asking him for sex. 

Asking seemed like a generous word, and Rick's mind suddenly rose with fury. He stepped forward and turned, going away from Negan. 

"Is that it? Just fucking sex?" Rick gritted. 

Negan huffed a chuckle and leaned down.

"Well that's just the good part. This is just a deal between men. Just a good fuck. How does that sound?" Negan purred. 

"Does it matter, what I want?" Rick said.

Negan squinted, tilting his head to the side. His eyes became predatory. 

"Now Rick," he said, voice dark and threatening, "I know you're not accusing me of something. Right?" 

"I don't know, is asking for sex part of your routine so you can pretend that people actually have a choice?"

Negan's eyes become dead cold at that. He stormed up to Rick and grasped his throat with one hand.

"You be fucking careful about what you say to me. I don't do rape," he said, furious. "This has to be consensual or else it ain't gonna work."

"Yeah?" Rick said, trying to compose himself with Negan's hand on his neck, saying, "What choice do I really have? If I say no, are you going to punish me? Or are you going to go out there and punish them? Huh?" Rick said, trying to straighten his voice. 

Negan didn't ease up as he talked. 

"If you don't wanna fuck so be it. No one is losing if you say no. I’m not going to do anything to your people, or you for that matter. This is just between you and me. If you wanna stay as you are, in the worst fucking dry spell of the century, ok. No harm no foul. But I'm offering you something big here. Pleasurable. I would take it."

Rick scoffed. "It's never just that. Not with you. You're fucking sick if you think I'll agree to something like that." 

Sweat rolled down his back. He felt like passing out, but he stood ground against Negan. 

Negan's eyes shifted again, something that looked like acknowledgment. 

Negan let go of his throat. He made steps to the door with Lucille, shouting to Rick, 

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Negan looked at him and left without another word. 

When he made it out the door, a whistle was sounded, and saviors crowded the room, grabbing the piled goods. 

His blood was cold. 

As they swarmed around him, all Rick could do was stand there, wondering what he had done.

~~~


	2. Feed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama continues! Thanks to all who have read so far.
> 
> Title from the song Feed by The Acid. 
> 
> All grammatical errors are my own. Enjoy :)

\----

_Negan's words lingered with Rick._

\----

After Negan had cornered Rick in the pantry, he couldn't stop thinking about the implications.

He had flipped the man's words in his mind that night, staring out into the darkened street from the window in his room. 

Negan had seen Rick, debased him and his people, and yet that wasn't enough. 

_It was never fucking enough._

Rick was furious and feverish from Negan's sheer audacity. 

_He thinks he's being righteous in asking. Like that means shit. Fucker._ Rick screamed in his head. 

He wanted to destroy something in his room, he wanted to punch the glass windows and watch the shards pierce his flesh. He wanted blood.

But he stood in front of his window, fists clenched. He furiously imagined Negan’s body near him, spouting his rhetoric. The heat from him was too much. His presence was wrong. And yet, the littlest voice in Rick’s brain shouted: You want it. 

He kneaded his forehead, getting an instant terrible feeling from his visualization. He breathed to calm himself down. Guilt suddenly ravaged him. He hugged himself, in desperate need of comfort from his mind.

Rick knew the primary reason for his anger. It was ugly, what Negan was. But for shameful reasons, unjustified thoughts lived in his head as well. 

He didn't want to admit to himself that Negan had come at the right time. The perfect time. 

At this point in his life, in every isolated moment, Rick craved to be senselessly taken and thrown powerless. He hungered for a confident voice to break him down and reshape him. In just the sight of Negan, he did that for Rick. It was awful. Deplorable. And Rick stirred at the idea. 

He wanted someone who would ruin him absolutely, and Rick could not run from that. He was wary of his desires to be with someone else, but Negan had shifted that mental dynamic. 

But it was like the universe had sent him a big neon "FUCK YOU," sign with Negan's offer. Like that was his only choice. 

What pissed him off was that he knew he was attracted to Negan.

The man's eyes were intriguing; his body was strong, muscular. The leather jacket only exemplified this, sometimes in a comical way. His walk, his talk was so...sensual around Rick. It was aggravating. And yet Rick sometimes lived in those teasing words. 

For a brief moment Rick imagined himself with Negan, submitting to him, giving his body, and it made his stomach churn. 

The image was frightening. Negan fucking him thoroughly, hands on his nape, with Rick sprawled screaming for more. It made him groan. He felt himself getting hard in his trousers. 

"Fuck." He gasped. 

He was ashamed. Horrified. But the primary reason Rick wanted to tear apart the word at that moment is because he considered it.

~~~ 

The next pickup, Negan strode through the gates with his booming voice.

"Daddy's home!" He yelled, and motioned his people to swarm the premises. He swung his bat around a bit, walking past his lackeys.

It would be comical if Rick didn’t die every time he saw the man. 

Rick went outside to his porch to head to the congregation of Saviors. He saw the snide glances everyone around him was giving Negan. His head boiled. He dreaded the meeting, as he considered what he really felt. 

As he was about to leave his front steps, Negan approached, putting his hand up. His smile faded. 

“Woah there cowboy. I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” He gestured his gloved fingers to follow him. Negan walked up his steps and into his house. 

Rick cursed internally.

No one was home as like always, he sent them anywhere where Negan couldn’t find them. 

The man slid throughout into the long hall, touching the decorative furniture and the walls. He looked like he was eating up the scenery, not really paying attention to Rick behind him. 

At the end of the hall that stood between the entrance and the rest of the house, he looked up the stairway to the right of himself. 

“Nice house,” Negan said as he turned. 

Rick immediately stepped away from Negan, as he was still freely swinging around his bat. 

Negan narrowed his eyes. 

“You’re lucky I’m a gentleman when it comes to being accused of something I swore never to do.” He snarled. 

Rick knew this was coming. Negan wanted for him to apologize again. He didn’t know if he could. How could he assume Negan would have any sort of morality? Anything at all? 

He hated him for expecting anything. It didn’t matter how he felt about the offer, Negan was Negan. Unpredictable. 

“You want me to apologize. For having critical thinking? You killed people I knew. With glee may I add. What else am I supposed to think?”

“You see, Rick. That’s your problem. You assume. Yeah, guess what? I’m a fucking asshole. I don’t give a shit about what has happened because it was for my people. For this civilization. But what you suggested, that I rape anyone I want, constantly, is way fucking off.”

Negan sighed and turned around, moving forward into a small doorway which led to Rick’s living room. He saw a couch and strode to it, lazily sitting down. He put his bloodied bat down next to the couch.

Rick followed him and stood next to the couch, watching. Negan looked up at him. 

“So Rick? Any remorse?”

Rick scoffed. 

“Remorse? Am I supposed to bow down to you. Suck your dick while I’m at it?”

Negan shifted in his place, looking at Rick with disbelief. 

“Wow. No hospitality in the Grimes’ home,” he laughed. “You know, I was going to let this slide when you apologized. I don’t like reprimanding when it comes to fucking. And we could have had a real good time. Could have made music together. But seeing as you don’t care what happens if you disrespect me, I now gotta take it in my own hands.”

Negan sprung up from the couch and grabbed Rick. He pushed him against a spare wall, his hand on his forehead. 

It was so quick Rick didn’t have time to fight him off. He tried to wriggle out of his grasp to no avail. 

“So you’re too good for rape but ok with assault. Good to know.”

“Shut the fuck up, Rick.” Negan barked. “I’m feeling disrespected right now asshole. I was a fucking angel, coming into your home. Asking for a simple I’m sorry. But no, you gotta be so damn inscrutable.” He spat. 

Rick’s head spun with Negan’s hands on him. Negan’s body was settled right in between Rick’s thighs. Everything hurt. The adrenaline rushed through him, and he responded, 

“Fuck you.” 

Negan was about to make another move when an expression of shock appeared on his face. He looked down to the meeting section of their bodies, and to Rick’s horror, he was hard. 

Negan stared wordless for a few moments, and then started to cackle. He moved off Rick in an instant.

“Ricky boy. I coulda guessed. You like it rough huh?”

Rick shook his head. “This is nothing. This means...nothing.”

Negan hummed. 

“No, I think it means quite a lot.” Negan leaned into Rick’s space, looking at him in the eyes. 

“I’m gonna ask again, the last time. Do you want,” Negan whispered, “this?” 

His face was close to Rick’s now. If Rick moved even in the slightest, it would be over. 

Rick breathed. The heat. The pain. The hate. Fuck, he wanted it. 

Out of impulse he moved his face and grasped Negan’s skull. They kissed, rough and enough to damage. Rick couldn’t control it; the entire situation turned him on. He got harder just having Negan here, existing. Kissing him. 

Negan put his body against Rick’s, grinding his hips down. Rick knew Negan was hard too, and moaned at the sensation of rough fabric against his cock. 

They moaned in unison as their bodies shifted together. Rick couldn’t think; he really didn’t want to. It would be too much to try. 

Then the sound of the front door unlocking jolted him out of his brainless daze. 

“Fuck!” Rick whispered, pushing Negan off of him in an instant. 

He wiped his lips with his arm, eyes wide as Negan bit his lip in a smile. 

“Hello?” Rick shouted to the entering figure. 

“It’s me dad!” Carl called out, “I’m just getting something!” Rick heard footsteps going up the staircase. 

Rick’s breathing hitched. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Carl’s presence was a wake up call. He didn’t know what he was doing. 

Negan shifted on his hip, looking amused. 

“Ashamed Rick?” 

“Please,” Rick said, pleading Negan to be quiet. Negan shrugged and moved to grab his bat. 

He heard Carl’s footsteps coming down again. 

“Bye Dad!” he yelled as he exited the house.

Rick could breathe then. 

“You need to get out,” He told Negan. 

“I see how it is. Fine by me. But don’t think I forgot your little accusation. If you really want this, you could do the courtesy of letting me know. This regretful act will get old real quickly.”

Negan stared at him for a minute and walked out of the house, leaving Rick alone once again.

~~~

Rick went upstairs and took the most dramatic shower of his life. 

He felt like a child that did something wrong. He was dizzy thinking about what he should do, and what he really wanted to do. 

It felt good. Negan against him, holding him with his arms. Of course it did. The universe was keen on fucking Rick over. 

He thought about what Negan had told him. 

He imagined a scenario where he ignored this need in his stomach. Of going back to the days where he was so pent up he wanted to punch himself just to get off. 

He couldn’t do it anymore. This situation revealed itself for a reason. 

He made his decision.

~~~ 


	3. Basic Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time has come!
> 
> Thanks to the current readers. I appreciate you all. 
> 
> Title from the song Basic Instinct by The Acid. 
> 
> I apologize for any grammatical errors. Enjoy :)

\----

_Rick knew it was time to accept that low voice in his head, saying, “This is what you need.”_

\----

Rick’s life after his confrontation with Negan grew more tiresome with each passing day. He soon began to view the world in slow motion; he saw his people, doing their rounds out in the real world, while he thought achingly about the Saviors’ next visit.

He knew it was wrong, but after his personal realization that what he wanted was essential for himself, it was clear that he was dealing with the real world emotions and desires. That was equally as important.

When the day came, and the gates creaked to let the Saviors in, Rick was quite literally vibrating with fear and shameful excitement. He was waiting a distance from the gate, standing with his arms crossed. 

Rick was no stranger to the feeling of the dangerous unknown, but at that moment, the wired anticipation that grew within him was scarily new.

The crowd of lackeys occupied the space around the gate. On cue, Rick saw Negan, his wide smile instantly recognizable. When he shouted a welcome, Rick could only focus on his confident movements. Lucille, as usual, was in hand, hanging in his palm. As the man looked around the area, he noticed Rick at his place. He squinted and barked at some people around him to disperse. 

He walked towards Rick, eyebrows furrowed. When they were in talking distance, Negan looked at the sky’s radiance, saying,

“So, I can assume why you’re out here to pleasantly greet me. Or, do you have something to say? An apology? Confession?” He chuckled. 

Rick straightened his back and put his arms to the side of himself. 

“I’m not going to apologize for what I said. But there’s something else.“ He said in a rough whisper. 

He leaned a little more, glancing at everyone over his shoulder, saying, “Fine. I considered your offer, and I’ll accept fully on one term: no penetration.”

“Hoho cowboy. I’m just happy you came to your senses, so I’ll let your little insult the other day slide. I’m willing to accept all terms and conditions.” He let his eyes wander over Rick's body. Rick tried not to pinch the bridge of his nose. He reminded himself why he was agreeing. 

“Where are we going to…?” Rick said quietly. 

Negan slung his arm around Rick’s shoulder and happily sighed. 

“I have just the place.”

~~~

Negan arranged a single truck for them to drive out into the woods. Rick assured Michonne and Rosita that he would be back in one piece. He tried not to twitch as he saw their faces of concern.

The ride was slightly tense. Negan hummed a tune that Rick didn’t recognize. To distract himself, he looked out the window to the clumps of trees and bushes. He never really saw the woods as beautiful anymore, only dangerous. He tried to appreciate the view for once. 

When they’d arrived at their destination, it looked like a run down metal shed. Rick wanted to laugh at how sad it looked. 

He turned to Negan, who also looked like he knew how comical the situation was. 

“Ok, Ricky, it’s either here or out in the dirt. I’m not sure the latter is going to be very comfortable, so this is what we got.”

Rick bit his lip, nodding. The scenery wasn’t the purpose of their little trip anyway. 

“Yeah, okay.”

They got out of the truck and walked towards the shed. He kneaded his hands as they approached. He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

Before they came to the door, he stopped a distance away. 

“Can I...stay out here for a minute?”

Negan looked over his shoulder. 

“Take all the time you need.”

He opened the door and looked at Rick before he closed it. Negan was...giving Rick privacy. He appreciated it more than he would admit. 

Looking up at the trees, moving with the wind, Rick breathed in and out. Everything was unreal to him, so much so that he tightened his clenched hands together until his sweat-filled palms started to swell. He just needed to remind himself that what was happening wasn’t an illusion. 

Negan was behind that door. The man that had been the catalyst to Rick’s never-ending emotional dilemma.   
And yet here Rick was, ready to take him on. 

Rick never would admit it to anyone, that on the inside, deep down, curling up in a ball of disgust, lived his desire to rebel against his morality. To accept the bits of depravity that he felt from time to time. 

In the world that he lived in, it wasn’t enough to live and love simply. With all of the things he had done, with the guilt he felt every moment, he thought he didn’t deserve that way of life anyway. What he wanted he had the ability to take. This wasn’t an attempt at a sugary honeymoon.

He craved something dangerously sharp and rough...something that would cause him to leap out of his body and forget about the bullshit of daily life. 

Negan was the answer. 

On that other side of the door, the man awaited Rick’s arrival. In all of his anxiety, hate, and shame, Rick wanted this. 

Using all of his strength, fueled by desire and need, he walked up to the door that held the smiling man and his nefarious devices.

~~~

"Finally," Negan purred as Rick entered the room, "...we can start."

Rick stayed at the door, too focused on Negan. The man hauntingly mesmerized him, his dark and narrowed eyes entrapping his every movement. 

He was shivering in sudden excitement, but tried to keep a straight face. He needed this to last.

Noticing Rick's stiff stance, Negan strode to the trembling man before him. On his way, he pouted, murmuring, "Don't I deserve a little sugar?" He smiled and stopped right in front of Rick, their bodies only inches apart. 

Rick breathed through this nose, staring as Negan leaned in closer, grasping his jaw in his palm. 

"So?" Negan whispered. 

Rick sighed, prepared. 

Rick pressed up against Negan, taking the man's lips with his own. The kiss was unruly, all teeth clashing. Rick nipped at Negan's lip accidentally, and Negan groaned, responding by taking Rick's lower jaw in his mouth and biting down. Blood beaded down Rick's neck, and Negan thumbed the spot of red. 

Rick groaned in pain and opened his mouth, where Negan took the opportunity to slip his tongue into the kiss. Rick gasped in surprise, but his body responded almost instantly. He licked Negan's upper lip and tongue, lost in the dance of their mouths. 

Negan pushed Rick back until they hit the bed in the corner. He eased Rick down on the mattress as he moved swiftly to take his own clothes off, and Rick did the same. Rick threw his jeans and shirt aside the bed, wanting to touch Negan again. Once he was fully undressed, Negan put a firm hand on Rick's neck, arms and hardened nipples. He pinched them slightly and Rick arched into the sensation. 

"Negan," Rick gasped, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, yeah lover boy," Negan hushed, leaning down to kiss Rick's pectoral. 

Negan moved Rick's legs to cradle his hips and angled his pelvis to Rick's. He reached to his discarded jeans with a tube of lubricant, and doused their cocks in the fluid. They were both significantly aroused, cocks flush and hard. He fisted them together in quick motions. Rick groaned at the feeling of Negan’s rough hands on him. Everywhere. 

After a few pumps, Negan placed both of his hands beside Rick and ground their cocks at a slow rhythm. The tired groan that escaped Rick made him buzz with shame, but he soon forgot all about it as Negan repeated the movement, over and over.

Negan leaned and nosed Rick's neck. 

"C'mon, lemme hear ya, c'mon-" He murmured. 

"S-shit-" Rick gasped out in response, getting lost in the slip of their bodies. He grabbed Negan's shoulder and started moving as well. 

"That's right-" Negan groaned as his hips moved faster, gripping Rick's sides. 

"Oh-oh," Rick moaned, voice broken. 

Negan didn't falter the harsh pace of their hips. 

"Negan," Rick painted repeatedly as their movements became more desperate. He looked down at the meeting of their bodies. Their cocks were glistening, slipping seamlessly against each other. 

"F-fuck Rick-- baby-" Negan choked. He slightly grasped Rick's neck and pressed down. It wasn't rough, but the pressure did something to Rick; he became hyper aware of Negan's pleasured moans and wanted more. He grabbed Negan's hands and put it to his throat even harder. 

"Please." Rick pleaded impulsively, not really processing what he was saying.

"Alrighty then," a smirk grew on Negan's face as he resumed their movements. 

"Didn't know you were the type, cowboy." 

He leaned down and put more weight on Rick's throat while thrusting their bodies in synchronous beauty. 

Rick's mind clouded, sensations taking apart his brain. He pressed up against Negan's hands, gasping at the feeling. 

"Fuck" he pleaded again. He needed more. 

Internally, he wanted Negan to, rip him apart. But this was good. 

Rick felt his orgasm building, and he squeezed Negan's back muscles towards himself. He moved to kiss Negan once more. Negan began nipping Rick's neck, also seemingly close as his hands on Rick's hips held hard enough to bruise. 

"You're gonna love bouncing in my cock-" Negan groaned against Rick's ear, "-gonna tear you apart--fuck!"

He yanked Rick's hair and took his shoulder to his teeth and bit hard. It was painful, so much so Rick winced as he felt blood dribbling down his chest.

The sudden pain pushed him over the edge and he welcomed the orgasmic tightening of his gut. 

" C-coming-" he rasped, throat tired. Come splattered against his chest as Negan continued to grind his cock against Rick. He let go of Rick's neck, and he immediately missed the pressure. 

"That was beautiful," Negan chuckled as his hips tried to find the right friction. 

Negan sped up at the sight, sweat beading down his face. In a last effort, Rick reached down and pumped his cock, squeezing with all his strength. 

Negan shouted and spurted against Rick's chest. 

He collapsed on top of Rick. They lay there, panting and getting a hold of their breath. 

They were filthy with come, but all Rick could focus on was the heat of Negan's body, and how it felt...right. 

In his afterglow, Rick couldn't find to care about the pricks of regret coming after him. 

But something else replaced them. It seemed like a desire for something more...punishing. Violent. He liked Negan's hands at his neck. He wanted the pressure increasingly.

What they just did was good, but to Rick, it needed more brute force. He wanted to feel...smaller. Less in control. 

It was something that frightened him. 

For a while, they lay there for what seemed like hours until their breathing evened out.

Rick was slowly falling asleep, eyes drooping. He was about to doze off when Negan suddenly moved from on top of him. 

He got up, stretched and grabbed his clothes. 

"Come on, Ricky boy," he sighed, pulling out two small towels from his jacket and throwing one at Rick, "clean yourself up." 

Rick propped himself up on one elbow and looked at Negan tidying his body. 

He thumbed the fabric, still yearning for more.

~~~


	4. On Your Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is here! Hope you guys enjoy. 
> 
> Title from Fame by The Acid. 
> 
> Any grammatical errors are my own. Thanks for reading!

÷÷÷

_The next time it happened, Rick was eager. Confidence was calling his name._

÷÷÷

They'd arranged for their private time to be in between pickups. He didn't want to care what others thought it looked like. He needed this.

This time though, Rick needed to talk to him. 

When they arrived at the small quarters, Rick stood in front of Negan, eyes firm. 

"Negan," Rick said slowly. 

"What is it honey," Negan mumbled, leaning down to catch Rick's lips. 

Rick pulled back and straightened himself. 

"I know what I said last time. But now I want you to fuck me."

Pulling back, himself, he said smirking, "I thought you'd never ask." 

Rick stayed serious, and Negan caught this. 

"But. There's something else." Rick sighed. 

"What?" Negan asked. 

Rick bit the insides of his mouth. He didn't want to be vague.

Before the world was the fiery hell that it turned out to be, Rick knew of sexual experimentation but never had time, or courage either, to try and find his...awakening. Rick wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it sounded, trying to find something that made him feel just right. Still, he did not back down. 

"I...I want it. to be...rougher this time."

Negan smiled, acknowledging the fact.

"From the way you wanted my hand in your neck, I'm not surprised." 

"Yeah," Rick said, "...but this time, I want you to tie my hands behind my back and...take me. Tight enough so I can feel trapped, I guess." 

Negan's eyebrows shot up at that. 

"Oh, now this is getting interesting." He cackled. 

Rick clenched his jaw, quirking his eyebrow. Negan put his hands up. 

"I'm not making fun of you. We all have our private desires. Good thing for you," he said, putting his hands on Rick's face, "I kinda know a thing or two." 

Rick closed his eyes and breathed. 

"Ok, good." Rick was dreading having to explain what he meant. He wasn’t surprised that Negan had...experience. 

Negan stepped closer and said, "But we're going to need to set a few ground rules." 

Rick opened his eyes and looked at Negan. 

"Like what?"

"Well if you want me to stop me, at any point when it doesn't feel good, I need a signal. A word." 

"A word..." Rick pondered. He thought of a simple one like, 'rose' but that seemed too sappy. 

After going through hundreds of possible winners, he got it. He chose a word that reminded him of the man in front of him.

"Leather." Rick said finally. 

"Kind of ironic, no?" Negan smiled, looking down at his leather jacket, but nodded at the suggestion. 

"Ok. Leather. This is going to be more risky because of the restraints. Are you aware of that?" 

"Yes," Rick breathed. 

"And you fully want this? You know that you can get hurt?" 

"Yes." 

Negan nodded. 

"As long as you let me know what you do and don't want, this is going to be fucking fun for both of us. "

Rick sighed in relief. 

~~~

They undressed, and sat on the bed. Rick let Negan tie his hands with the white shirt Negan was wearing. It was the right amount of tension for Rick, and his body responded positively. 

After Negan pulled on the knot, making sure it wouldn't fly off, he moved in front of Rick. 

He pulled Rick to lay on top of his lap, legs around Negan's waist. He gripped Rick's hip and back for stability. 

Negan shifted on the bed, kissing Rick while putting his attention to Rick's ass. 

"Have you done this before?" Negan asked, more serious than Rick would have thought, still kissing him. 

"No, but I've...prepared." Rick said, trying to seem unmoved by his response. 

Negan chuckled, putting a hand on the back of Rick's Neck and leaning him forward. 

"I knew it." He breathed.

Rick bit his lip as Negan let his Neck go, digit now circling around his hole. 

Negan looked up at Rick, into his eyes, and without hesitation inserted his index finger. 

At the first entrance, Rick squirmed at the feeling but got accustomed to the intrusion. Negan seemed more...concentrated. He bent his finger inside him, trying to find his prostate. Rick squirmed, enjoying just the feeling of the digit inside him. 

When Negan’s fingers were positioned just right, Rick gasped in enjoyment.

"There we go," Negan murmured, positioning his fingers to hit his prostate once, again, and again…

Negan added a second finger, scissoring his muscles, moving at a rhythm that remained semi-clinical. Rick was glad he didn’t go into this unprepared; the feeling itself was enough. 

The final stretch of the third finger made Rick's head boil. 

Rick felt himself slipping to abandon and gasp Negan's name before it was too late. 

"Negan, I want it," he choked out. 

Negan hummed as he pulled his fingers out. He grasped Rick’s throat with one hand and squeezed, making Rick groan. 

"Mhmm," Negan said against Rick's shoulder as he positioned his hard cock against Rick's hole, still grasping his hip. 

Negan squeezed Rick's neck once again, entering Rick. 

They both groaned at that. The strain of the cloth restraints showed itself, pulling Rick's arms in just the right way.

"Fuck," Rick gasped and Negan slowly began to move inside Rick. It felt strange, having Negan in him. It felt all consuming, all enveloping. Rick could fall into the sensation and never come out. 

Negan's thrusts got slightly faster, more firm, as he thumbed Rick's Adams apple, and pressed his fingers into Rick's hip. 

"Oh baby," he groaned as he thrusted in and out. He let go of Rick’s neck and grasped the back of Rick’s shoulder and hip. He angled Rick’s body so that Rick's was slightly tipping backwards as he continued to thrust. 

In that, his cock brushed against that spot in Rick that made him jitter in pleasure. 

"Negan," Rick cried, pulling on the restraints on him. 

Negan's movements quickened in pace; he was pounding into Rick now, abusing that spot once, twice, three times.

Rick groaned impatiently, wanting more. 

As if Negan read his mind, he bowed his head down and bit Rick's collarbone, strong enough for blood. 

Rick whimpered at all of the sensations filling him. It was so right. 

Rick's body strained, and he felt the desperate need to come.

"Shove me," Rick gasped through thrusts. 

Negan looked at him with feral eyes and obliged. He slipped his cock out to reposition their bodies.

Rick fell onto his side, and Negan put him onto all fours. 

In an instant, his cock slipped back into Rick, and the harsh pace continued. Negan got a hold of Rick's restraints and pulled on them, painfully shifting Rick's arms.

"Fuck--fuck!" Rick yelped as he felt his orgasm coming. 

"Yeah baby come on come on," Negan groaned out. 

"No one can fuck you like I can-shit!- can they?" He kept saying. 

"You fucking belong to me? Hear that? You belong to me." Negan growled. 

Negan put his hands around Rick's leaking cock and pumped while driving into Rick's prostate. 

"Oh--Rick-fuck!"

Negan came first, hands still on Rick. He spurt into Rick's hole, and the sensation was enough to put Rock over the edge. 

Rick saw blaring white.

~~~

After they had cleaned up, Rick's afterglow made him consider his feelings about the experience.

It was better. He felt more...subdued. He still felt he could push it further.

He'd liked his neck being grabbed, he’d liked the restraints, but that wasn't enough force.

He thought, what do you really want? 

Rick used the rest of his mental strength to imagine himself sobbing at the mercy of Negan as he pleaded No! Negan would force his way inside of him, Rick's body and mind screaming in protest-

He then immediately snapped out of the image.

Rick was in awe about what he just visualized. 

Being...forced? 

Forced. He thought. 

And then he got it. 

He asked Negan to tie him up and fuck him. He could ask Negan about this too. 

To Rick the idea was something to be ashamed of. 

No. Not now. He thought.

This was for his state of mind.

~~~


	5. Tumbling Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a negotiated consensual non-consent scenario. Please read the tags carefully and proceed with caution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Tumbling Lights by The Acid. 
> 
> Thank you to those who have read until the very end! I hope you have enjoyed thus far. 
> 
> Can't believe this is the end! This was definitely a journey. 
> 
> Any grammatical mistakes are my own!
> 
> Enjoy.

÷÷÷

_It was time._

÷÷÷

Rick was set on just coming out with it. He’d been through too much, seen the most fucked things imaginable, to just sit in silence. Rick had to admit, he liked the feeling of not being so self-conscious.

On their next meeting, the first words out of his mouth were on the point. 

"You said you had experience correct?" Rick asked Negan. They were already on the bed, sitting side by side. 

"Yeah. And?" He questioned.

"Have you heard of...forced situations?" Rick said.

Negan looked at him. 

"...Yeah. I have. Why?” 

Rick bit his top lip. 

"For the past few times, it was...good. But every time I felt I needed something with more pressure. Where I felt...suffocated. And not just physically."

Negan squinted.

"What do you want specifically?" 

Rick sighed. 

"I...I want you to pretend to kidnap me from Alexandria. And then," he breathed, "proceed to violate me. And fuck me while I...protest the entire time. A scenario." 

Negan stared. 

"You want me to...assault you? Consensually?" He looked extremely wary. 

Rick nodded. 

"I know your thing is you don't rape anyone, but this isn't that. This is...for me. If this isn't...possible, fine. I just need to know if you're with me on this." 

Negan was silent, clearly thinking. 

"And you're okay with me saying and doing...anything? At all?" 

"I’ll get to see what I don’t want you to say, what I do. I’m trying this."

Negan nodded and put his hand to his mouth. He rubbed his chin in a slow motion. 

"Why do you want this? This is usually done with a lot of consideration in mind. It’s dangerous." 

Rick looked at his feet. 

"I need someone to take control from me. At first it was a small need, a little thing, but as we have...come together, the feeling became stronger. Unruly. I thought of this to see if this is what I really want." 

Negan looked at him. And Rick felt...seen. 

“My rule is about consent. I don’t violate or assault people because that shit is depraved if not consensual. So you asking for this doesn’t go against anything. The thing is, I haven’t done a scenario like this, so I have to know if you’re doing this to get intentionally hurt. Because that is not something I will do.”

Rick immediately shakes his head. 

“No, this isn’t that. I am done hating, of feeling my chest constrict in all my anger. I’m just asking for this because I want it.” 

Negan nods. 

"Okay, darlin'. I just have to prepare, and you do too. This is fucking dangerous. Mentally and physically. We need to be on the same fucking page. You hear me?"

Rick nodded. 

"Good. We need to be prepared for anything. So I’ll bring needed supplies. After it's done...do you want to spend time alone?"

Rick never considered the idea. 

"No. I want to be here." He glanced at Negan with a faint smile. 

"And you trust me?" . 

To his surprise, Rick trusted him. After everything, he did. Negan knew Rick's sexual boundaries and never overstepped them. 

After the hatred, Negan was the one who made him feel the most alive. 

Rick looked at Negan square in the eyes. 

"I...I want this. I trust you."

Negan slowly nodded. 

"Good."

~~~

They planned that day, with the details of the situation in place. The next time they met, it would be in their respective roles.

Rick vibrated with anticipation, yearning and fear. 

The scene was set. 

He was ready.

~~~

When Rick opened his eyes, a punishing light blurred his vision. A soft hum pervaded the air as he tried to adjust his eyes. His head throbbed, and his jaw felt like death.

After a few moments, when everything came into view, he saw he was in a grey room. The walls were littered with dark red and black stains; Rick didn't want to know what their source was. To him, it looked like a desolate prison. 

He was positioned against the back wall, staring straight at the steel door ahead of him. He looked down at his tied legs, bent up against his chest, and at his arms pulled behind his back. 

Fuck. He thought. 

Looking around, the only thing in the room was a single bed with a pillow and blue bed sheet. A bed.

Rick suddenly couldn't breathe. 

He remembered the proposition that Negan made, asking him for sex. He told Rick he would take him, in any way possible. He remembered those ferocious eyes drowning him in their undying apathy. 

He would. Rick thought. 

Rick knew Negan. He took everything, anything, from anyone. Rick would be dense thinking his never-ending, unstoppable hunger stopped when it came to sex. 

Rick shivered at the thought. He knew he needed to escape. He just didn't know how. 

When he tried to move, the ropes binding his wrists and ankles fully scraped at his skin. 

Shit. Shit!! Rick thought. He tried to shake out of his restraints, but he knew it was futile. Frustration built every time he attempted to move out of his exposed position. 

He began to thrash, and he couldn't even remember when tears ran down his face. 

Aching thoughts rushed in; He's actually going to do this to me. 

He wanted to scream. To claw at anyone, anything. He banged his head against the wall, looking back up at the bright light. He couldn't take this. 

Then, like a planned effort, he heard clanking on the other side of the door. 

Keys. 

The metal door creaked open. and Rick immediately looked across at the figure that slowly strode into the room. 

Negan. 

He was anything but graceful in the way he walked. His hair was ruffled, falling over his face. He wore that disgusting leather jacket, standing confidently in front of Rick. 

His smarmy look made Rick squirm, as he thought about what the man was about to do to him. Rick's chest tightened. 

"Why am I here?" He asked, knowing full well the answer. 

Negan smiled. 

"Well Rick," he said, taking steps toward him, "I've been eyeing you for the last few weeks now. It felt like my offer was blown off, which disappointed me so." Negan mocked a pout. He squatted down to Rick's eye level, licking his lips in the process. 

"Well honey, I got a little impatient. So I decided," he murmured, passing his fingers along Rick's neck, "...to take it into my own hands." 

Rick stared at him, fear hanging on his face. 

"But you said yourself..." Rick said, still trying to keep his compsure, "You don't do rape." 

Negan looked at Rick warily, taking in the challenge Rick had set. 

Rick's shocked expression left for a moment as he silently eyed Negan with a hint of playfulness, waiting for a satisfactory response. 

Negan gripped Rick's throat, and Rick's fear returned. 

Negan growled, "My rule stands for people who actually deserve it. You're just a caged fucking animal. I own you and I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Rick's breath hitched as Negan's grip tightened. 

He didn't want this. He couldn't. Negan brought him here to tear him apart, to take the last of his dignity. 

"I'm not letting you touch me." He gritted. 

Rick tried to bite Negan's face. Negan dodged that attack and laughed, grabbing Rick's hair and slamming his head against the wall. Rick tried not to pass out.

"Darlin', I don't give a fuck." 

Negan grasped Rick's collar and pulled him forward, forcing a kiss onto Rick. It was punishing, with Negan's teeth on Rick's lips. He pushed his tongue into Rick's mouth, and bit down on his tongue. Rick groaned in pain, still trying to get away. He tried to squirm away from the contact, but Negan had the upper hand. He pushed Rick back on the wall, making his arms strain. He grunted, and Negan pulled away, a line of spit trailing his lips. 

Rick wanted to implode; he didn't want this to go further. 

"Are you really going to do this?" Rick breathed, trying to catch his breath. 

Negan guffawed, "Of course! I'm going to get a fuck out of this, whether you like it or not. See? I'm already hard for you." Negan pointed out his clear erection. 

"Oh, and look at this." He gestured to Rick's pants. 

"So are you. Fuck, you're practically asking for it." He rasped, licking his lips. 

Rick looked down and saw in horror his hard cock. 

"N-no, this isn't-" he tried to yell, but Negan smacked him before he could go any further. 

"You dirty cowboy. You like this don't you," he said. 

He grabbed Rick's shoulders, pulling him up to his feet. He couldn't balance himself. He was fucked. 

"No no no no no," Rick quickly panted as Negan pulled him to the bed. 

"Shh don't worry darling. You're gonna love my cock."

Rick tried to pull away. 

His chest ached. His head throbbed. 

Negan then grabbed his hair and dragged him to the bed. Rick thrashed once again, but he was stronger. More capable. 

Rick wasn't. He wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. And yet this was his reality. 

"Please!!" Rick screamed. 

"Please don't touch me," he pleaded. 

"Shut the fuck up." Negan said. 

They were in front of the bed now, and Rick didn't know what to do but stand and let Negan take the lead. 

He violently tore down Rick's jeans and undergarments. Rick couldn't move. 

"P-please," he cried out again, looking at Negan's eyes. 

Negan looked up at him, almost as an acknowledgement that yes, this is what you want before getting back into character. He mouthed the word, "Leather," and Rick nodded. 

Then Negan grabbed the back of his neck and flipped him over onto his stomach. He pushed Rick's neck into the bed, almost drowning him in the sheets. 

"No one can hear you." Negan said at Rick's ear, hand over Rick's throat. His fingers were hard, serious, and Rick was afraid he was going to die. 

Rick clenched his eyes shut, horribly anticipating his undoing.

~~~

It felt like an eternity.

Rick's dying anticipation made everything worse. He tried not to imagine how Negan would feel forcing himself inside of him. Rocking his cock into his body. His hands all over him. 

Rick shamefully felt his cock leak, and groaned. He couldn't want this, not from Negan. 

"P-please," he said, voice tired. The muscles in his arms and legs protested. Negan pressed him more against the bed in response. 

His throat was dry. He wanted to scream.

"Shh baby," he said. 

Rick heard Negan's jeans unzip and him spit into his hand. 

Negan grabbed Rick's ass and parted him. Negan applied the spit to his hole, taking no patient time. He put a finger in too suddenly to Rick's surprise. 

"N-Negan!" Rick shouted in pain. 

"Keep your mouth shut, Darlin'." Negan growled. 

Negan fingered him too quickly. Rick couldn't help but whine at the pace. 

"You like that huh? Tell me." Negan rasped. Rick moaned as he brushed over his prostate at a deadly rhythm. 

Rick's body felt stretched, and horrifyingly this made him harder. 

Suddenly Negan stopped his movements and removed the fingers. 

Rick then could feel the head of Negan's cock at his entrance. 

He'd never done it like this, and now Negan was taking it from him. Something so special. Sacred. 

Rick tried not to sob. 

The intrusion felt like it was tearing him apart; he wanted to pass out from the sheer pain of it. It made him scream. 

"Shut the fuck up," Negan groaned.

Negan's cock felt too big; he wanted to reach back and stop him but he knew that wasn't an option.

As quickly as the intrusion, Negan began thrusting in and out. 

"Fuck you're tight," he gritted as he started.

The bed creaked as Negan grabbed Rick's hair and pulled. Rick's mouth gaped, drool coming down his chin. He couldn't think.

Rick groaned at the pain. He felt the slip of Negan's cock. Rick felt himself plead,

"Please stop. Please." 

But Negan continued. His thrusts became faster, and his grunt was heaved. 

In an instant, he'd found the spot that made Rick tense uncontrollably. 

"See baby," he said, smacking Rick's ass, "it's gonna feel so fucking good."

He drove his cock again and again, into that spot that made Rick scream. 

Rick was overwhelmed as he moaned over and over and over. 

"Negan," he pleaded. He couldn't tell where he started or ended; it was just the harsh thrusts of Negan inside him. 

It felt good. Too good. 

Rick moaned along with Negan. He let himself get fucked by this man, this horrendous man. The stretch, the warmth made him shiver internally.

"Uhn-uh!" he groaned. 

It hurt, it was overwhelming, but it was all that mattered. 

He felt himself liking it more...and more...until he was writhing internally to come. 

He didn't want this to happen, but it made him feel something. It made him feel. 

Negan's dick kept driving for his prostate as Rick cried.

"Fuck yeah baby," he groaned into Rick's back. 

Their moans filled the room; they were unabashedly loud. Rick knew it wouldn't matter anyway. 

From the feeling of Negan's grip, he was about to come. Rick felt close, and he let the sounds of the room envelop him. 

Negan thrusted faster, putting his leg on the bed for more leverage. Rick panted as he felt he was being pushed closer to the edge. 

Negan bent down and whispered, "Come for me baby. Come on. Come-uhn-on," 

The moans from Negan made Rick feel shameful, horrid, but only spurred him on. 

He began moaning and sobbing, as he felt his gut clench. Negan bit his shoulder as a last resort, and Rick hit his peak. 

Negan kept fucking Rick harshly until he came, yelling "Fuck!"

~~~

Negan collapsed on top of Rick.

Their pants filled the room until it was silent. Rick could still hear his heartbeat. 

Rick felt himself vibrating out of his skin. He pressed his face into the cover with Negan's weight on top of him.

Rick's mind was racing. The whole scene was...good. He didn't know how to feel until he felt soft hands pick him up, remove his foot and wrist restraints, and turn him around on his back

He saw Negan with vulnerable eyes. A new sight. A...comforting one. 

Negan brushed his face and smiled. 

"How was I?" Negan asked quietly. 

Rick grasped Negan's shoulder and pulled him down. 

"Amazing." 

They embraced, and lay like that for a while. Rick needed to calm down, and feeling the warmth of Negan's skin against him was good. 

"Are you feeling ok?" Negan asked against Rick's neck. 

"Yeah. Just...shaken." 

"A scene like this will do that to you. Everything okay back there?"

Rick chuckled. 

"Yeah. I'm just...I don't know what it says about me to say I liked this."

"It means you're human." Negan responded. 

Rick looked at Negan. 

"Aren't we all?" 

End.

~~~


End file.
